I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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