i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
