So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
