Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
