bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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