It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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