You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
