We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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