if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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