Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
