so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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