I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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