he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
