I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
