So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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