is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
