Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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