A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
