Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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