Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
