Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
