Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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