What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
