I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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