I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
