I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
