The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
