I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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