Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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