And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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