i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
