I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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