im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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