I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
