i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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