you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
