i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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