You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
