I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
