She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
