I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
