Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
