I spit up blood this morning
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn