Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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