He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.