I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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