Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.

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(972): View more from Texas

Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.

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(207): View more from Maine

Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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(303): View more from Colorado

The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.

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