You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.