so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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