I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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