HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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