please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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