Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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