It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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