We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
