remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
