So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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