just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
