Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
