With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
