whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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