:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
