I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
