She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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