she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
