Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
