I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
