He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
