White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like, not good at living.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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