meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
