I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I could make wine with my vomit
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
