Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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