my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
