swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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