oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
