Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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