Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
