The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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