Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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