He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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