He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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