Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
