I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
