my phone needs a breathalizer
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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