Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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