Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
