why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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