Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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