i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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