I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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