Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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