The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
